this is a retake of what previously appeared in the latter half of ‘love is organic – instalment iv’.
how many times have you met someone who believed you were soul-mates, and there was no other way of thinking/assessing your relationship with him/her. how many times have you met someone who tells you “when i was young i had a vision of who my lover/husband/wife will be, and you meet most of the criteria,” and as such, both of you have to get married. most times you don’t last long enough to find out what the other criteria you don’t have are? look, i don’t mean to be pessimistic, but if just two of those criteria are affluence and ability to have a child, and the person also dreamt of living in a castle on an island with servants, yachts and planes, with seven children running wild on bare feet, you are in for a run with fate. what some of these lovers may not be aware of is, having a good role male/female model unconsciously mold this dream of who your life partner should be like. there’s nothing wrong with this. but there’s something wrong believing you were fated to be with your ‘role model’. there is something romantically unhealthy when your lover tells you after three blissful months “god and the universe want us to be together,” because most times it isn’t god or the universe who are wishing this. sometimes i feel lovers who strongly believe in stars (and there’s nothing wrong in this belief) forget most star signs are the same – with minor differences. and that, it is those minor differences that need to be worked on when you love that person. look, i respect those who believe in stars, but i just find it a bit odd that (with the stars supposedly at work) you may end up with someone with whom you have a 45% compatibility rating rather than the ex-lover with whom you had a 68% compatibility rating. my point is, there are faults in our stars, and as such, no one can be considered a potential mate. when you bull-headedly believe this, it throws your individuality and freedom out of the window. you end up forcing things – for, you believe god, the stars and the universe already willed it. what is the purpose of being in a relationship with someone when you know what each day, the next day, the next week, the entire month, and the entire year look like romantically? what do you do when his/her star foretells he/she will meet a new lover? the belief in stars is ok, but i feel it can lead to self-torture, and self-torture is a bed-mate of imprisonment. maybe it is me, but isn’t it somewhat fatalistic to believe the (abstract) stars will you to commit to that person when each human is blessed with free will? high compatibility isn’t fated. high compatibility is engendered. i mean, you can control what you believe and want to feel, but to want another to believe and feel the same way is taking away that person’s freedom. this is selfishness. let’s get one thing clear, it isn’t selfish to live as you wish to live, but there’s something selfish in wishing the person you’re in a relationship with should live as you wish to live. it is selfish because it is absolutist – you’re trying to create uniformity of type instead of recognizing/accepting and enjoying infinite variety of type. type here meaning you’re both lovers. for instance, being a black panther (in your love forest) isn’t selfish because you want to be a black panther, but it would be selfish to want all the other animals who enter your love forest to be both black and panthers. simply put, the idea of fate determining who you end up with is delusional. i have to admit though, that for those who believe in it, it solves the paradox of freedom resulting in bondage by removing freedom from the mathematics of love. but hey, we make our luck as humans, and that should apply in love, or you will fall victim of fate and become a prisoner in your own love story – a prisoner in your love forest. no human is born free, and as such, no human loves freely, but you don’t have to be a prisoner of fate or your desire to love and be loved. like you do with a child, build your own love based on what makes both of you happy – not what makes the universe or other people you have acquired socially happy. my former student believed in what that person told her and it broke up a relationship with someone she felt good enough to live with previously. love takes away your freedom – only when you believe in absolutes and/or predestination.